


The World Turned Upside Down

by sartiebodyshots



Category: Falling Skies
Genre: Gen, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-23 08:29:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 13,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3761575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sartiebodyshots/pseuds/sartiebodyshots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the war, there are still plenty of fights to be had.  As always, the Masons are at the center of it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tainted Obligation

            “I’m not having my spikes removed,” Ben says, not looking up from his book. 

            “Ben, I don’t think you understand,” Tom says.  He sits down next to him, gently pushing the book down.  “You’re not going to live another five years if you don’t.”

            Ben sighs and marks his place in his book before setting it aside.  “I understand, Dad.  I get it; I really do.  But I’ve decided that I want to keep them, even if it means dying younger.  The Espheni may be gone, but we’re still not safe.  There’s still so much to rebuild, and I can help best like this.”

            Tom squeezes Ben’s arm.  “You’ve already given so much for the planet, Ben.  You don’t have to give your life as well.”

            “I can give more.  And, honestly?  I like how this feels.  I don’t know if I could ever go back,” Ben says, nodding firmly.  “It’s okay, Dad.  I’m okay with this.”

            Tom’s heart beats hard in his chest.  He’s never going to change Ben’s mind.  “O-okay.” 

            “I’m glad we talked this out,” Ben says, smiling.

            “Me too,” Tom says, heart heavy.  “I’ve got to go, Ben.”

            “Bye, Dad,” Ben says, turning back to his book.  “Love you.”

            Tom kisses Ben’s cheek, trying to push the nausea down.  “I love you too, Ben.  I love you so much.”

            Ben flashes him a quick grin as he gets up to leave. 

            Tom walks down to the house two down from his own.  It’s where Maggie lives these days.  Parts of the roof are missing, like with most of their houses, but she just doesn’t use those rooms, shrugging off offers to fix it until everyone else’s houses are fixed.  Hal is sitting out on the porch, rocking in one of the rocking chairs Maggie keeps out there.  Cochise is there too, of course.

            “He won’t…” Tom swallows hard, leaning against the railing.  “We’re gonna have to do it.”

            “You’re sure?” Maggie asks. 

            “Yeah, I’m sure,” Tom says. 

            “Are you certain this is the course of action you wish to pursue?” Cochise asks.  “From my observations, this will upset him greatly.”

            “Yeah, but he’ll be alive,” Hal interrupts.  “He’ll be alive, and even if he hates us, that’s what’s most important.”

            Tom had lost Rebecca, had lost his daughter before she was even born, and had lost Anne, too.  Coming back from the moon without your daughter was bad for a marriage, it turned out.  Anne hadn’t talked to him since.

            The thought of not talking to Ben is painful, but the thought of burying him is even more painful.  It’s too much to even contemplate.

            And it’s his obligation to Rebecca.  He owes so much to Rebecca, but keeping their kids safe is the most important thing.  No matter what the cost.

            Tom nods.  “Tomorrow.  We do it tomorrow.  Cochise, you have the machine ready.  Maggie, you stand by as back up.”

            “I can do it, if you want,” Maggie says.  “So you don’t have to.”

            “No,” Tom says.  “It should be me.”

            “And me,” Hal adds.  He looks over at Tom.  “You’re not going to be able to do it alone.  We should do it together.” 

            “Okay,” Tom says.  His stomach churns as they continue to plan. 


	2. One Giant Leap

            “Matt, go do your homework over at Ricky’s,” Hal says, voice heavy.

            Tom is worried that Matt is going to argue like usual, but he looks up at Hal with big eyes and nods.  He gathers up his things and leaves the house.

            “When is Ben going to be home?” Hal asks, fidgeting uncomfortably.  “He should be home by now.”

            “I’m sure he’s just running a little late,” Tom says with a calmness that has settled over him.

            They are going to do this.  Cochise has given them a strong anesthetic to use on Ben and he is waiting in Maggie’s house with the despiker.  They are going to save Ben.  It has been decided.

            Fifteen minutes later, the front door opens and Ben’s footsteps pad around the mud room.

            “Ben, can you come in here?” Tom yells.

            Ben pops his head in the living room, covered in dirt.  “Hey!” he says, clearly exhilarated.  “What’s up?”

            “We need to talk to you for a second,” Tom says.

            “Can I wash first?  I’ve been out scavenging and boy, it’s dirty out there,” Ben asks.  “I love having a shower in the house again.”

            “Be quick, okay?” Tom says.

            Hal flashes him a look as Ben nods and darts away.

            “We need to do this quickly,” Hal murmurs.

            “It’ll be fine,” Tom says.  He doesn’t want a flashback to when they had deharnessed Ben- he had been filthy. 

            A few minutes later, Ben comes down the stairs, damp but clean.  “What do you need to talk about?”

            Hal is looking to Tom and Tom nods.  They both take a careful step forward. 

            Tom slips his hand into his pocket and pulls out the alien syringe, sticking Ben with it before he can have second thoughts. 

            Confusion flashes across Ben’s face as he staggers forward.  “What?”  His breathing grows heavy. 

            “I love you, Ben,” Tom says, reaching out to hold him.

            As he comes to some kind of sense of what’s happening to him, Ben jerks away from them both.  He stumbles backwards, shaking his head.

            “He should be out by now,” Tom says, trying to reach out to Ben.

            “I’ll use the second one,” Hal says.

            He darts forward, but Ben manages to push him away.  Hal stumbles, but manages to regain his balance to lunge at Ben again. 

            Ben is stumbling towards the front door, and Tom runs through the dining room to cut him off.  He catches Ben in his arms, holding tight even as Ben continues to fight him.

            “Don’t do this,” Ben says, voice strained as he tries to throw Tom off.  “Please, don’t do this.”

            “Hal!” Tom yells.  “I can’t hold him for much longer!”

            Hal appears in the doorway and approaches them as Ben’s pleas continue.  He pauses, face horrified, as Tom hears the door open behind him.

            “What are you doing to Ben?!” Matt yells.

            “Trust us,” Hal says, even as Matt’s footsteps disappear back outside.

            “Hal!” Tom says as Ben pushes him off, knocking him into the wall.

            Hal manages to tackle Ben and stick him with the syringe and Ben slowly stops fighting. 

            “We’ve got to get him over to Maggie’s, then you can start looking for Matt,” Tom says as he catches his breath.  “This won’t last very long.”

            Hal nods, looking like a little kid again as he stares after where Matt ran out the door.  He grabs Ben’s feet as Tom grabs under his shoulders. 

            “He used to be easier to carry,” Tom remarks, feeling kind of surreal as they carry Ben’s unconscious body two houses down. 

            “I caught Matt running out of the house!” Maggie’s voice comes from behind him. 

            “Is he okay?” Hal yells back.

            “He won’t talk to me.  I think he’s scared,” Maggie says. 

            “He walked in on us,” Hal explains.

            “I’ll keep an eye on him,” Maggie says.

            They make it to Maggie’s house, carrying Ben up the steps, through the porch, and into the living room.  They lay Ben on the table where Cochise has the machine set up.

            “You are certain you wish for me to continue?” Cochise asks.

            “Yes,” Tom says roughly. 

            Hal leans on Tom, and Tom wraps an arm around him to help support him.  Tom doesn’t take his eyes off Ben’s face the whole time that Cochise works on Ben. 


	3. Drowning on Dry Land

Ben wakes up and wishes that he hadn’t.  Something feels different.  Something feels wrong.  There’s so much emptiness inside of him.

            He opens his eyes and there’s just a blur in front of him. 

            “I’ve got your glasses,” Dad’s voice comes from somewhere around him. 

            Dad hands them to Ben, who fumbles them onto his face.  Ben reaches down and pulls the covers up over himself, shivering. 

            “Are you cold?” Dad asks, concerned.

            “What’s wrong with me?” Ben manages to say.

            “There’s nothing wrong with you, Ben,” Tom says, resting his hand on his cheek.

            Ben wants to flinch away for some reason, but that feels like so much effort.  “There is.”  It’s then that Ben remembers Dad and Hal attacking him in the living room, realizes that he’s laying on his back.  “You took them from me.”

            He wants to be angry, but he can’t find the energy for it.

            “Ben, we had to,” Dad says, looking down at him with too much blind love in his eyes.  “You were going to die.”

            Ben shuts his eyes, willing himself to wake up back in his real body.  “I don’t want to talk to you.”

            “Ben…” Dad says, voice full of hurt.

            “Go.  Away.”  

            After Dad leaves, Ben keeps his eyes closed because he doesn’t see the point in opening them.  He can’t see as well with his glasses as he used to be able to see without them.  That’s not the only thing- Ben can’t hear who is in the house, can’t smell anything either.  The fabric of his clothes and of the blanket feel so dull against his skin.

            “You awake?” Hal’s voice says from the doorway. 

            “No,” Ben says.  It takes a lot of effort, but he turns his back is to Hal. 

            Hal comes and sits on his bedside.  “Come on, Ben.”

            Ben ignores him.

            “Dad’s worried about you,” Hal says, hand resting on Ben’s shoulder. 

            “This is what you guys wanted,” Ben says, voice hollow.

            “We wanted you alive, Ben.  That’s all,” Hal says.

            “Should’ve left the spikes in,” Ben says.

            Hal keeps talking but Ben ignores him, trying to go back to sleep.  He’s so tired and he hasn’t done anything. 

            Eventually, Hal gets up and leaves, which should make Ben happy, he thinks.  He doesn’t feel much of anything, though. 

            Someone else comes into his room, and from the dip in his bed, Ben realizes it’s Matt.  Ben puts in the effort to turn around and open his eyes.  Matt didn’t have anything to do with this.

            “Hey,” Ben says.  He realizes that Matt looks terrified.  “What’s wrong?” 

            “I saw them attack you.  I-I thought the Espheni were controlling them somehow,” Matt says.  “They weren’t, right?”

            Ben shakes his head, slowly.  “No.  It was Dad and Hal.”

            “I don’t…”  Matt sighs.  “It was scary.”

            “Yeah, it was,” Ben says. 

            “You don’t have your spikes anymore?” Matt asks.  “They said that’s why they did it.”

            “They’re gone,” Ben says.  He still hasn’t physically checked, but he doesn’t have to.

            “I thought you were gonna keep them?” Matt asks.

            “I was.  That’s why they had to sedate me,” Ben says. 

            Matt nods a little and then climbs over Ben to curl up on his other side.  It takes Ben a minute, but he realizes that Matt is comforting him, just like Ben had done for him countless times during the war. 

            While Matt still may be smaller than him, it makes him feel a little better, even if it can’t fill the overwhelming emptiness inside him.


	4. Days Gone By

            “What’s wrong with him?” Tom asks a day later.  “He hasn’t moved, he hasn’t eaten…  Cochise, did something go wrong?  Did we wait too long?”

            Tom had called all of them to his living room to thank them and, as it turns out, to worry about Ben with them.  Maggie gets it.  If she was him, he’d be worried too.

            “The removal was a success,” Cochise says.  “There is no trace of the Espheni spike fluid in his body anymore.  I tested a sample of his blood this morning.”

            “I thought he’d be mad,” Hal says.  “Furious.  Throwing things, even.  Not… whatever this is.”

            “He did not express anger when I took the sample of his blood,” Cochise says, also visibly troubled.  “Simply expressed a belief that I would force it from him if he did not cooperate.  It was very unemotional, however.  Not what I have come to expect from humans.”

            “He’s just lost something,” Maggie says, clearing her throat a little.  She had done the same stare at the wall thing when her son had been taken away from her.  “I think he’s in mourning.”

            “Lost something?” Hal asks.  “They’re alien spikes that he hates, loathes.  He thought they made him less human.”

            “He liked what he could do with them, though,” Maggie says.  “They’re a part of him.”

            “They’re not a part of him anymore,” Hal says.

            “They still are,” Maggie says.  “Not physically, but he can’t just forget about them.” 

            “He doesn’t have any other choice,” Hal says. 

            “I’ll go talk to him,” Maggie says, getting up. 

            “Good luck,” Hal says. 

            Maggie nods and heads up the stairs, the voices downstairs drifting away as she walks down the hall towards Ben’s room.  It’s at the end of the hall, and Maggie can see the light underneath the cracks of his door. 

She takes a deep breath and knocks a few times.  When all she hears is emptiness, she opens the door a crack.  “Ben?”

Maggie can see the lump on the bed and she opens the door all the way to see Matt sitting on the other side. 

“Can I talk to Ben, Matt?” Maggie asks.

Matt looks down at Ben, and seemingly without speaking, they come to some kind of agreement.  “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”  He crawls over Ben and passes her by.

“We might need more time than that,” Maggie says.

“You won’t,” Matt says on his way out, over his shoulder. 

Maggie tries not to take that as a bad sign as she goes and sits next to Ben.  “Hey.”

Ben shifts and looks up at her, and Maggie is surprised to see the glasses perched on his face.  Tom and Hal had both made passing references to them before- Maggie had even helped procure these- but it’s still unexpected.

“Why?” Ben asks, looking up at her listlessly. 

“Why what?” Maggie asks.

“You broke up with Hal because he put the spikes in you without permission.  You know I wanted to keep them,” Ben says. 

Maggie winces.  She had thought a lot about this, when Tom had come to her the first time.  “I figured… That was making me inhuman.  This was making you human, now that people get to be human again.  Returning you to how people _should_ be.”

Ben blinks slowly.  “You should have told me that, way back when I was trying real hard not to have a crush on you.  That you didn’t think I was human.  I didn’t think I was either, but, it always hurt coming from someone else.” 

“You know what I meant,” Maggie says.

Ben just makes a noise.

“I know what you’re going through is hard,” Maggie starts.  “But you’ve got to open up and talk to someone.  It’s never going to get better otherwise.”

She leans down to squeeze his shoulder gently. 

“Almost everyone I would talk to, is someone who did this to me.  And I can’t put all of this on Matt,” Ben says.  “Can’t talk bad about Hal and Dad and you and Cochise to him.”

“I forgave Hal, eventually,” Maggie reminds him.  “We’re still good friends.  I’m still part of your family.”

“Big sister I never had,” Ben says, smiling sadly. 

“That’s right,” Maggie says.

“Still mad at you, though,” Ben says, turning and staring into the distance.

Maggie can tell that there’s something else going on beneath the surface- she’s gotten good at reading Ben after years of feeling his emotions through their bond.  And she knows from experience, his emotions are usually much sharper than staring off into the distance.  She doesn’t want to push her luck, though.  Nobody else has gotten to talk this much to Ben, except Matt.

“I know.  That’s okay,” Maggie says. 

Matt appears in the doorway with a plate and glass.  “I think it’s time for you to go.” 

Maggie leans down and kisses Ben’s forehead.  It’s cold, but mostly, Maggie just catches the scent of some pretty bad B.O. 

She walks down the hall, pausing to eavesdrop on them.

“You’ve got to eat something, Ben,” Matt pleads. 

“I’m okay,” Ben says.

Matt sighs.  “It’s been over a day.  A little bit, please.  Or some water?” 

Maggie hears the sound of gulping water, then the sound of chewing.  At least Ben is eating something. 

She heads back down to the living room. 

“That lasted longer than I thought it would,” Hal says as she retakes her seat.

“What did you guys talk about?” Tom asks, almost before Hal is done talking.

“I just…” Maggie shrugs.  “Told him he’s going to have to talk about it one day.”

Tom sighs and stares towards the staircase, like he’s considering getting back up. 

“He needs more time, though, before he’s ready to talk,” Maggie says.

Tom sinks back into his seat as Cochise rests a hand on his arm. 


	5. It's a Long Ways Back

“You’ve got to take a shower, Ben,” Matt says, poking his shoulder.  “You’re starting to smell.  More importantly, I’m starting to smell like you.”

            Ben groans and shifts under the covers.  “You don’t have to stay here.”

            “You’re not going to let Hal or Dad take care of you,” Matt says, pulling the covers down.  “And you’re not taking care of yourself, either.  Plus, it’s better than going to school.”

            Ben inhales deep and sits up.  “Okay.  I’ll take a shower.”

            “Thank god,” Matt says. 

            Ben gets to his feet unsteadily, Matt watching him the whole time, ready to grab him if he starts to fall.  He’s walking without his usual spring in his step, which doesn’t surprise Matt, but still worries him anyway.  Everything about Ben worries Matt these days.

            “Don’t forget to wash behind your ears,” Matt chides as Ben closes the bathroom door behind him. 

            Ben gives him the barest hint of a smile before closing the door completely.  Good.

            Matt strips the sheets off Ben’s bed and goes to grab a clean set from the linen closet.  He remakes Ben’s bed before heading downstairs and out the front door. 

            All he needs is a few minutes of fresh air.  To watch the sun set.  Ben’s room has gotten stifling small. 

            “Matt!” Hal’s voice comes from behind him.  “Haven’t seen you in over a day!”

            “I’ve been with Ben,” Matt says, turning to face his oldest brother. 

            “How is he?” Hal asks.

            Matt just shrugs. 

            “C’mon, Matt,” Hal says. 

            “I don’t think he’d want me talking to you or Dad about him, is all,” Matt says, uneasy.  He’s felt so uneasy around them both since he saw them attack Ben.

            “We’re worried- _Dad’s_ worried.  He’s going out of his mind,” Hal says.

            “What about you?” Matt asks.

            “I know Ben will come around,” Hal says.  “He’ll get why we had to do what we did.”

            Matt shrugs again. 

            “You get it, right?” Hal asks.  “It was life or death- Ben’s death.  We decided we couldn’t let that happen.”

            “I get it, but I also wish that you guys had done it differently,” Matt says.  “It was scary, Hal.”

            “I know,” Hal says quietly.  “But there wasn’t another way.”

            Matt turns back to watch the street, takes a big, deep breath of fresh air.  “I’ve got to go.  Get something to eat.”

            Hal tries to snag him on the way by, but Matt deftly avoids him.  He just wants to grab some food and retreat back to Ben’s room. 

            Unfortunately, Cochise is doing something in the kitchen when he gets there.  Matt steadily avoids making eye contact.

            “Matthew-“ Cochise starts.

            “If you’re going to ask me how Ben is, I’m not going to say anything, so you should just ask someone else,” Matt cuts in, frustrated and annoyed. 

            Cochise blinks at him, mouth gaping. 

            “I’m sorry,” Matt says, rubbing his temple. 

            “I understand.  You are under a great deal of stress,” Cochise says.  “I was not going to ask after the wellbeing of your brother, however.  I have already ascertained that he is in good health.  I was going to inquire after your wellbeing.”

            “Mine?” Matt blinks.  “I’m fine.”

            “Are you certain?” Cochise says.

            Matt sighs.  “I know it makes me sound like a little kid, but I just wish they’d get along.  We spent years fighting the skitters, and now we’re supposed to be at peace, but we’re just fighting each other.  It sucks.”  And he’s in the middle of it, which is the actual worst. 

Why did they fight, why did so many people (why did Mom) _die_ if they were just going to be left with anger and fighting?  He gets why everyone did what they did, and he gets why Ben is mad like he is- and yeah, he’s kind of uneasy around Hal and Dad too- but their family has already lost too much to lose more now.

            “It is understandable that your family cannot seamlessly enter peace time.  This is a difficult transition,” Cochise says, “but I believe in the resiliency of humanity, most particularly the resiliency of your family.  They will work through their problems and your family will be whole.”

            “Our family,” Matt mumbles.

            “Excuse me?” Cochise says.

            “ _Our_ family,” Matt says, clearer.  “You’re part of it, too.” 

            “Thank you,” Cochise says.  “It is an honor.  If you require anything, you may inform me and I will help you.  I will not bring anyone else into the matter, unless it is strictly necessary.” 

            “You just watch over Dad, okay?” Matt says.  “He’s not gonna have anyone to be a nerd with for a while, and that always bums him out.”

            “I will always watch over your father,” Cochise assures him.

            Matt finishes up the sandwiches and takes them upstairs.  The shower is off, so Matt proceeds into Ben’s room. 

            He’s pleasantly surprised to find Ben sitting up in bed.  Ben still looks listless and exhausted, but at least he’s sitting up.  And he doesn’t smell as bad.

            “I brought PB&J,” Matt informs him, ready to put up a fight if he has to.

            “Thanks,” Ben says, taking one and nibbling on it.  “And thank you for everything.”

            “You’re my brother,” Matt says simply.

            “Your older brother,” Ben says.  “I’m gonna start, you know, getting out of bed and stuff.  So you don’t have to look over me as much.  So you can start going to school.”

            Matt groans.  “Really, I don’t mind.  It’s totally okay.”

            “You can’t use me to get out of school forever.”

            “You’re such a nerd,” Matt says, nudging him carefully.  Ben looks like a strong wind might blow him over, but Matt misses his playfulness.

            The ghost of Ben’s grin appears.  “You know it.  If you don’t watch out, I’ll get my nerd germs all over you.” 

            Matt slings an arm companionably around Ben.  “I’m too cool for them to have any effect.” 

            Ben leans heavily against him, and Matt briefly wonders Ben will keep his word and actually get out of bed on his own, but then he banishes that thought.  Of course he will.  He’s Ben.  Ben wouldn’t lie, not like this. 

            Ben will be okay tomorrow.


	6. Damage

            Ben wakes up the next day, still empty inside.  He wonders if it’s going to go away some time.  It makes him feel too tired to move, but he remembers what he had promised Matt.  That he is going to be better.

            He pulls himself to his feet and trudges down the hall to the shower.  When he turns the water on, he turns it on painfully cold.  Sure, he had missed having warm showers during the war, but he needs to feel something, even if it’s just the burning coldness of the shower. 

            Ben gets out of the shower, naked and shivering, and wraps a towel around his waist.  Still dripping and shaking, he walks back to his room to find a clean set of clothes.  There’s a clean pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt laying on his bed.  He doesn’t know who set it there; he hopes it was Matt and not someone else, as embarrassing as it is to have his younger brother laying out his clothes. 

            The clothes rest gently against his skin, but they feel so heavy that he feels like he needs a nap, especially after the shower.  He sits down on his bed, considering it.

            “You showered!” Matt’s voice comes from the doorway, obviously happy. 

            Ben pastes a smile on his face.  “Yep!”

            “You missed breakfast, but you should come down for lunch,” Matt says, taking his hand and pulling him to his feet. 

            “Are Dad and Hal down there?” Ben asks, hesitantly.

            “We all live together,” Matt says, sighing at him.  “You aren’t going to be able to avoid them forever.”

            “You’re right, okay,” Ben says, letting him pull him down the hall. 

            Ben walks down the stairs slowly, carefully.  He remembers when he first hit puberty and his body felt all wrong.  His feet had constantly tripped him up, and his arms had felt too long.  Ben’s body kind of feels like that now, except instead of too big feet, Ben’s body feels too heavy, like it won’t respond to him properly. 

            He almost gets tripped up on the last step, but he manages to brace himself on the wall before actually falling.  Matt’s face flashes towards him with worry, but Ben pretends he doesn’t see it. 

            “How about I make the sandwiches this time?” Ben says when they reach the kitchen.  It’s the literal least he can do.

            “Cool,” Matt says, jumping up on the counter.  “I just want peanut butter, no jelly this time.”

            “Gotcha,” Ben says as he starts getting the bread out of the fridge.  He grabs the peanut butter and the knife.  “Just one sandwich?”

            “Nah, two please,” Matt says.

            “You’re gonna eat us out of house and home,” Ben teases, and tries to mean it. 

            “I’m going through a growth spurt!” Matt proudly proclaims.  “I’m gonna get as tall as you, I bet.”

            “No way,” Ben says.  “No little brother of mine is going to get taller than me.”

            “That’s what I said!” Hal leans against the doorframe.  “But you got taller than me anyway.”

            Ben presses his lips together and brings his full attention back to his sandwich making.  “Rectangles or triangles?” he asks Matt. 

            “Triangles,” Matt says, eyes flicking nervously between Ben and Hal.

            Ben nods and carefully slices their sandwiches up, triangles all around.  He puts the ingredients away and dumps the dirty knife in the sink before handing Matt his sandwiches.

            “Want to go eat outside?” Ben asks, trying not to look at Hal.  He’s had plenty of practice at pretending Hal doesn’t exist. 

            “Great idea!” Hal says. 

            “I was talking to Matt,” Ben says, stiffly. 

            Ben walks by Hal, trying to nudge by without touching him. 

            Hal nudges him gently and says, “Come on, Ben.”

            “Leave me alone,” Ben says, pushing by him.

            “Ben, you’re my brother,” Hal says.

            “And haven’t you used that as an excuse enough?  Just let me eat my sandwiches,” Ben says, trying to put some bite into it.

            That’s enough to get Hal to leave him alone, and Ben goes out to the porch.  Matt stays behind, but that’s okay.  He knows that they need to hang out together, no matter what’s happening. 

            That is, it’s okay until he finds Dad sitting on the porch.  Ben vaguely wishes he could appreciate the sight: Dad’s in a ratty pair of overalls, leaning back in his chair and reading a book.  Cochise is sitting on his other side, apparently attempting to peel carrots for dinner; he’s taken a real liking to gardening and cooking since moving to Earth on a permanent basis.  It’s been an experiment.

            Ben tries to slip off the porch without Dad noticing- he can find somewhere else to eat- but, of course, it’s impossible. 

            “Ben!” Dad says.  “You’re up!”

            “I just want to eat my lunch,” Ben says.  It’s both harder and easier to pretend Dad doesn’t exist- he doesn’t have much practice at it but he’s also so much madder at Dad than he’s ever been at anyone.  The anger is hidden deep underneath the layers of apathy, but Ben knows it’s there, even if he can’t reach it.

            “Ben…” Dad says.  And Ben keeps looking straight ahead as Dad comes and kneels beside him.  “Please talk to me.” 

            Ben keeps eating his sandwich. 

            “I couldn’t lose you,” Dad whispers.  “I _can’t_ lose you.”

            “I don’t want to talk to you, Dad,” Ben says.  “I really, really don’t.” 

            “Ben, please,” Dad says, resting his hand on Ben’s arm.

            Ben flinches away instinctively.  He doesn’t turn to see the hurt that he knows must be on his dad’s face, doesn’t turn to watch as he walks back to his seat, shoulders slumped. 

            Cochise leans over and whispers something to Dad, but Ben can’t hear it anymore.

            Ben eats his sandwiches- at some point Dad and Cochise go inside- and slumps back in his chair.  He wants to go back to his bed, but he doesn’t think he can move.  He’s so tired. 

            This chair is as good enough a place as any to be, though, so he just stays.  He closes his eyes, trying to listen to the birds- there aren’t many around, but there are some.  The sun moves so it’s glaring in his face.  It’s probably a good thing, getting fresh air and sun, but Ben is just glad that neither Dad or Hal is here.


	7. Loud as a Whisper

            “It’s getting pretty late,” Dad frets.  “Do you think we should bring him in?”

            “I do not believe that he would look favorably upon us forcing him to do anything,” Cochise says, pulling Dad a little closer.

            “I’ll take care of it,” Hal says.

            “Wait, what are you gonna do?” Dad asks, grabbing his arm.

            “Just talk to him, don’t worry,” Hal says. 

            The thing about Dad is that he’s taking all of this Ben stuff personally.  This sulky, glaring side of Ben isn’t something that’s ever been directed at him.  While Hal has never seen it to this extent either, at least he’s seen it before.  Once Matt turned four, it was basically the only side of Ben that Hal ever saw.  So Hal has the experience here that Dad doesn’t.

            Hal jogs out to the front porch before Dad can say anything else.  He gets in front of Ben, who is staring off into space. 

            “Ben, you need to come inside now,” Hal says.  “It’s getting chilly.”

            “I’m good,” Ben says. 

            “Come on,” Hal says.  “We can get something to drink, relax in the living room.”

            “The last time I hung out in the living room, you and Dad attacked me.  No thanks,” Ben says.

            Hal huffs in annoyance.  “You’re acting like me and Dad set out ruin your life, Ben.  We wanted to save your life.”

            Ben looks up at him.  “Maybe you should have asked _me_ about that.  This isn’t what I wanted, and I’m not going to thank you for ruining everything.”

            “You were going to die, Ben.  In five years, if you even made it that long- and Cochise said you probably wouldn’t,” Hal says.  “And I don’t expect you to thank me, but I’m not going to apologize for doing what I had to do.”

            “You don’t understand,” Ben says.

            “You won’t talk to us,” Hal says.

            “You think that you were saving my life, but it mostly just feels like I’m dead already.  Which sounds dramatic, I know,” Ben says.  “I’m going to lay here, and I’m going to ignore you, because it feels like that’s all I can do.”

            Hal takes a minute, processes that.  “Okay.”

            He goes to the other side of the porch, grabs a chair, and drags it over so he can sit next to Ben.

            “What are you doing?” Ben asks.

            “You just said that you feel like you’re dead already.  I’m worried,” Hal says, putting his feet up on the railing, “so I’m going to watch over you.  You don’t have to do anything.”

            Ben sighs loudly.  “Go hang out with Matt.  That’s what you actually want to do.”

            “Shut up, Ben,” Hal says.  “I’m your big brother, too, and like hell I’m going to leave you alone when you’re talking like that.”

            “I was useful and now I’m just…” Ben trails off.

            Hals looks over at Ben, raising an eyebrow.  “You’re still useful.”

            Ben snorts.  “I used to be able to jump off buildings.  Now I’m going to need to scrounge up inhalers again.  I can feel the asthma coming back, and god know there’s a ton of stuff in the air that could trigger an attack.”

            “You don’t have to scrounge anything,” Hal says, jumping up.  “Don’t move.”

            He darts inside, runs up to his room, and then pulls a bag out of his closet.  Hal brings it down to Ben, handing it to him before plopping back in his seat.  “Open it.”

            Ben looks up at him, annoyed, but opens the bag anyway.  It’s full of inhalers and asthma medication. 

            “I know that you can’t just do any old inhaler, but I didn’t remember your prescription, so I started grabbing every one that I could once the war started winding down.  I would have more- I collected them when the Espheni had you, too- but I got rid of them when we had to evacuate the school because you didn’t need them,” Hal tells him. 

            “Cool,” Ben says softly, and Hal looks over to see at least some kind of emotion playing across his face.  He wishes he could read Ben’s mind, just a little, but it’s better than the blankness that Ben’s been exuding. 

            “We knew this wasn’t going to be easy for you,” Hal says.  “It’s why we made sure we had glasses for you, too.”

            “Why couldn’t you have just let me make my own choices?” Ben asks.  “Everything would have been easier, would have been better.”

            “Better?!” Hal exclaims.  “Do you remember how hard it was losing Mom?  Do you think we could have done that again, especially when we could have kept you alive?  Or do you just not care because you wouldn’t have to deal with it?  It would have broken Dad, and he never would recovered.  God knows what it would have done to Matt.  Hate me all you want, but at least you’re alive.”

            Ben looks over at him.  “And now I could get pneumonia and die.  Or have a severe asthma attack and die.  Or my spikes could have already messed me up so bad that I’m gonna die young anyway.  I could be dead next week, forget five years down the line.”

            Hal swallows hard.  He doesn’t like the blank, empty way that Ben lays out the easy possibility of his own death.  “Those are all maybes and what ifs.  Your spikes killing you was an absolute certainty.”

            The sun sets.  There aren’t many lights on the street, but there are a few.  Back in Boston, they had never been able to see the stars- Mom and Dad had taken them out into the country a few times to stargaze, but that’s it- and now there are plenty dotting the sky. 

            “I can’t even look at Dad,” Ben says softly.  “I’m used to being annoyed with you and dealing with it, kind of, so I can still talk to you.  Kind of.  Dad and I don’t get mad at each other.  We don’t fight, not badly.”

            “You guys are going to be okay,” Hal says.  “You can hate me double, if you want.  If it’d make it easier.  He’s going out of his mind.”

            “I don’t want to hate you double,” Ben mumbles. 

            “That’s a surprise,” Hal says, raising his eyebrows at him. 

            “I wish I could just forget all of it,” Ben says.

            “Life’s not always fair, and I’m sorry that we couldn’t find a way to save your life that’s easier for you,” Hal says.  “I’m not sorry we removed your spikes to do it, though.”

            “So you’re sorry, like, thrice removed?” Ben asks.

            “Something like that,” Hal says.

            “Better than nothing, I guess,” Ben says.

            “Are we good?” Hal asks.

“No.”

“Come inside anyway.”

“In a little bit,” Ben says. 

“You had better, or else I’m coming after you again.  And eat dinner!”  Hal gets up.  He wants to ruffle Ben’s hair, but knows he shouldn’t.  “I love you, Ben.”

Ben mumbles something that sounds vaguely like a response, and Hal smiles before heading inside.


	8. From a Whisper to a Scream

            Ben goes a whole week without saying anything to Dad.  He talks normally to Matt, semi-normally to Cochise, and with the familiar stiff vaguely politeness with Hal.  Their weird little household.

            Getting used to his body is still a challenge; he still feels so slow and useless that he wants to scream.  And there’s the big difference- he wants to scream.  He wants to scream and throw things until he feels better.  It sounds exhausting; Ben is still constantly exhausted.

            Dad tries to talk to him, of course.  But Ben stares into the blurry distance and ignores him.  He’s gotten so good at ignoring Dad that it’s almost scary.  Every time, Dad’s face becomes a little more haggard.

            Most afternoons, Ben takes a nap.  Getting all the way out of bed, showering, and making lunch is tiring enough that he needs it.  He’s gotten more sleep in the last week and a half than he did during the whole war, he’s pretty sure.

            One afternoon, Ben wakes up to find Dad standing in the doorway.

            “Good afternoon, Ben,” Dad says.

            “Have you been watching me sleep?” Ben asks. 

            “It’s the only time that you don’t glare at me,” Dad says, shrugging.  “You look almost peaceful, except when you have a bad dream, and even then, I want to be able to be here for you.”

            “Maybe I don’t want you to be here for me,” Ben says.

            “I’m your dad, Ben.  I’m always here for you, whether you want me to be or not,” Dad says.

            Ben sits up, glaring hard.  “That’s the problem.  That’s what got us into this whole mess.”

            “That’s not what got us into this mess.  Me not keeping you safe when the Espheni came is what got us into this.”  Dad comes and sits on the bed, and Ben scoots to the far side of it to keep the distance between them.  “Ben, please.  Just talk to me.”

            “You want to talk?” Ben says, the anger finally shooting up out of him.  “Fine!  Do you know what I’ve been having bad dreams about?”

            Dad shakes his head.

            “You!  I have nightmares about you and Hal now.  It used to be the Espheni.  I used to have so many nightmares about them, and now they’re all gone.  Now it’s you injecting me with something, Hal coming at me.  You holding me down after I begged you to stop,” Ben says.  “And I was so worried about hurting you accidentally that I tried not to fight too hard- and because I trusted you.  I trusted that you’d see that you were hurting me and stop.”

            Dad looks broken in a way that Ben hasn’t seen since the war ended.  It’s even more than that.  He looks like Ben has beaten him senseless and just left him there to (metaphorically) bleed. 

            “You’ve got to know that I’d never hurt you, Ben,” Dad says, voice strained.  “I’d die before I laid a hand on you or your brothers like that.”

            “But I am hurt!  And you _literally_ laid your hands on me.  I’m hurt and I’m useless and I’m so goddamn angry,” Ben yells.  “Because you did what the Espheni did, but it’s worse because I trusted you!  I trusted you and Hal- especially you- more than anyone else.”

            “They hated us, Ben.  They wanted to use you.  Me and Hal love you.  We wanted you alive and well and, hopefully, happy,” Dad says, trying to sound soothing.

            “You all ignored what I wanted to do with my body to do what you guys thought was best,” Ben yells back. 

            “You are comparing us to the monsters that killed your mom,” Dad says, voice dropping in anger.  “Are you trying to tell me that you wouldn’t do the same if it was any of the rest of us?”

            “I wouldn’t,” Ben says, holding his hands up in surrender.  “Unless it was Matt- because Matt is too young to make his own medical decisions.  But yeah, if it was you or Hal- or even if Matt was older.  I would have let you make your own decisions.” 

            “Just like that?” Dad asks, shaking his head a little.

            “Yeah, Dad,” Ben says, shrugging.  “It’d be hard and painful; I’m not denying it.  But I’ve been somebody else’s puppet too many times to just take someone else’s choices away from them.  Even if they’d be impossible to live with.”

            Dad sighs at him, eyes shining.  “Maybe you’re stronger than I am, or maybe I’m just selfish.  But I couldn’t, okay?  You’re my _son_ and I’d do anything to keep you safe.  If that means you hate me, then I can figure out how to live with that, as long as you’re alive.”

            “I don’t hate you,” Ben says.  It’d be so much easier if he did.  He sighs and lets himself fall back on the bed, everything draining out of him to leave an overwhelming sadness behind.  “Everything is just so hard.”

            “Keeping the people who love you the most out isn’t going to make it any easier,” Dad says softly. 

            “But I feel like I can’t trust you anymore.  How am I supposed to talk to you?” Ben says.

            “You can keep screaming at me, if it works,” Dad says.  “And you’ve been, you know, kind of talking to Hal.”

            “It’s easier,” Ben says, voice low, “to talk to Hal than to talk to you.  I don’t feel like I can talk to you at all.”

            “Why is that?” Dad asks.  Ben doesn’t have to look over at him to know that there are tears running down his face, or that there will be soon.

            “Because I’m so used to fighting with Hal.  Before the war, we always were arguing, so we figured out to be angry at each other and still have a functioning relationship,” Ben says.  “Yeah, ‘did a medical procedure on me against my explicit wishes with some real bad consequences’ is a big leap from ‘keeps stealing my glasses’ or ‘keeps trying to get me to do his homework for him,’ but it’s something.”

            “So what you’re saying is-“ Dad makes a sniffing noise.  “-is that I should have been a mean dad before the war?”

            “No,” Ben hates how small and weak his voice sounds.  It’s just like the rest of him.  “I liked that you were a nice dad.  That we got along so well.  That you always knew what I was thinking and that you always, always knew when I really needed you to bring home a pint of my favorite ice cream, even when Mom started getting kind of mad about it.”

            “I liked it too,” Dad says.  “It’s never going to be the same.  Even without _this_ , the war would have changed almost everything.  But that doesn’t mean that everything has to go bad.  Because you know what hasn’t changed?  What nothing could change?  That I love you and your brothers more than anything.”

            Dad’s fingers are suddenly in his hair and Ben flinches away.  He pulls back his hand.  The silence stretches on; Ben has no intention of breaking it. 

            “Can I read to you?” Dad asks. 

            “What?”

            “Can I read to you?” Dad repeats.  “I found a new book that I hadn’t read before, a collection of letters between John and Abigail Adams.  I’ve been working my way through it; I had actually been meaning to read it when the Espheni came.  It was on my desk and everything.”

            “I guess.  Since it’s new,” Ben says grudgingly. 

            “I’ll start at the beginning.  The foreword is gold,” Dad says.

            Ben lays on his side, facing away from Dad as he starts reading.  The words just kind of wash over him.  He tries to close his eyes and pretend that they’re back before everything got so screwed up.  Before the war, back in his bedroom or Dad’s office.  Dad reading him something he’s supposed to review or something he’s working on. 

            But he can’t.  There’s no sound of traffic outside, no Mom making dinner downstairs, no Matt and Hal playing video games in the next room.  And there’s still this overwhelming anger that he can’t push down; he had never been this angry before.

            There’s no going backwards, not for any of them.  He brushes the tears away from his eyes aggressively.  They can only go forward.


	9. Everything's Not Lost

            Tom gets up a while later, sighing deeply as he closes his books.  He was hoping that Ben would argue with him over the book, or at least say something, but no luck.  It had been a vain hope anyway.

            With shaky steps, he walks down the hall to his room, closing the door behind him.  He tries to keep his breath steady, focusing hard.

            “Tom Mason, are you alright?” Cochise asks, laying in their bed. 

            Tom just crawls into bed next to him, resting his head on Cochise’s chest. 

            “You are not alright,” Cochise says, wrapping an arm around him.  “You have not been alright for some time.” 

            Tom is pretty sure that Cochise has never really known Tom when he’s been ‘alright,’ unfortunately.

            “Yeah,” Tom says.  “Me and Ben had a talk.”

            “Is that not a positive development?” Cochise asks.  “Last night, you were unhappy with the silence between you.”

            “He just… said some things that I couldn’t believe.  That were hard to hear,” Tom says. 

            “Such as when he compared us to the Espheni,” Cochise says, “or when he implied he was worried you would abuse him.”

            “You were listening in?” Tom asks.

            “He yelled quite loudly and he is only two doors down,” Cochise says.  He presses his lips to the top of Tom’s head.  “He is not incorrect in comparing us to the Espheni; although, I do not believe he truly believes you would abuse him.”

            “Wait, what?” Tom says, looking up at him.  “You thought he was right to say we were like the Espheni?”

            “It is not a pleasant conclusion to come to- it is the highest insult among my people,” Cochise says, “but we did interfere in his development in ways he explicitly did not want, just as the Espheni did.”

            “To save his life!” Tom protests.  He can’t have this fight with Cochise too.

            “And if the Espheni had not placed a harness on him, they would have killed him.  It is also unlikely he would have survived the war without the spikes,” Cochise says.  “It is not the same, but it is similar.”

            “Don’t tell me you’re on his side!” Tom says.

            “I am always on your side, Tom,” Cochise says.  “But I understand his frustration and anger.”

            “I do, too,” Tom says quietly. 

            “Your offspring will forgive you in time.  He has a great capacity for forgiveness and he loves you immensely,” Cochise says.

            “I’m worried about what will happen to us between now and then.  Ben’s starting to lose too much weight, Matt is going to worry himself into an early grave over Ben, and Hal is a lot more worried than he seems,” Tom says.  “Hal hides it well, but it’s obvious if you know what to look for.”

            Cochise rubs his back gently.  “And you are also suffering the consequences.  I have noticed your sleeping pattern has become most irregular and you continue to skip meals.”

            Tom shakes his head.  “I’m fine.”

            “You monitor your offspring, and I will monitor you,” Cochise says, stroking at the nape of his neck. 

            “You look out for them, too,” Tom says.

            “Of course,” Cochise says. 

            Tom sighs.  “My relationship with Ben used to be so easy.  Used to drive Rebecca up the wall sometimes.”

            “Your mate did not approve your close relationship with your offspring?” Cochise asks.

            “No, she liked it, but it just meant that I accidentally ended up spending so much more time with Ben than with Hal or Matt.  We’d go to lectures together, and then I’d take him out to dinner,” Tom says.  “Rebecca did the same thing with Hal- they’d go to sports games together and training camps and god knows what else.  Pretty sure she slipped him a beer at least once, too.  We both worried about playing favorites.”

            “I do not know much about human family dynamics beyond what I have witnessed since arriving on this planet, so I cannot offer any kind of valid advice,” Cochise says.  “But I have noticed that you love all off of your offspring with a fierceness rarely matched, and I believe that your love- and the love your offspring have for you and each other- will ensure the continued cohesion of your family unit.”

            “I know.  I just thought the hard part was over, once we had the planet was back,” Tom says.  “I should have known better- after the colonists kicked out the British they had to figure out a new government, had to figure out how to retain their independence.  But I had hoped anyway.” 

It had been a stupid, vain hope.  But what else was there to do?

            “Everyone is having a difficult transition to peacetime.  It is a situation I never imagined finding myself in, and there are challenges I had never anticipated.  But it is still the easier part.  We are safe, and it is because we are at peace that we could safely remove the spikes from Ben Mason’s spine.  Should the war have continued for another five years, I do not believe you would have forced the issue and he most certainly would have perished.  If you did forcibly remove his spikes during the war, it would have been immeasurably more dangerous.”

            Tom tilts his head and smiles up at Cochise.  “Yeah, you’re right.  This isn’t ideal, but it’s a far cry from the worst case scenario.”  He hums contemplatively.  “What would I do without you and your good sense?”

            “It is not a situation that is likely to occur,” Cochise says.  “Volm lifespans are significantly longer than human ones.”

            “If Ben starts talking to you, if you can slip something in, could you do me a favor?” Tom asks.

            “What is the favor?” Cochise asks.

            “Could you ask him if he’d like to garden with you sometime?  He, uh, said something about being useless now, and I think if he could do something useful it would really help him,” Tom says, “but I don’t think he’d want to help me do research and I don’t want him doing anything too physical.  He’s still unsteady.”

            “This is a task I will happily complete for you,” Cochise says. 

            “Thank you,” Tom says, leaning up to kiss him. 

            “Anything to expedite the healing process,” Cochise says.  “Although, I do hope he is a better gardener than you are.”

            “Hey!” Tom says, smiling at him and getting a smile in return.

            “You overwatered a whole plot of carrots, under watered the bean plants, and stepped on my tomatoes,” Cochise says, voice full of ire.  “I am simply stating facts.”

            “And I stay out of the garden now, like you insisted,” Tom says.

            “I am looking out for the welfare of your offspring, as you have insisted,” Cochise says.  “If you destroy the crops, we will not have fresh vegetables that are essential to you humans.  This is for your own good.”

            Tom snorts and buries his face in Cochise’s chest.  Cochise has developed something approaching a sense of humor since the end of the war.  It’s unique, just like Cochise, but it suits him. 

            “I love you, Cochise,” Tom says.

            “And I love you as well,” Cochise says.


	10. Good Mourning

Cochise does not see Ben until the late afternoon next day, which is a good thing.  It gives him time to prepare what he is going to say, to decide whether or not he should mention Tom.  Discussion with Ben has been most delicate recently and he believes that Ben working in the garden could be important. 

            Currently, Ben spends most of his days either in his bed or laying on the porch.  It is there that Cochise finds him, awake but staring off into space.  This is a fairly regular activity for a Volm, but it alarms his human family, and Cochise takes his cues from them with regard to human behavior.

            “May I interrupt you?” Cochise asks. 

            “Yeah,” Ben says, turning to look at him. 

            “Would you help me in the garden?” Cochise asks.

            “Did Dad put you up to this?” Ben asks.

            “I would not request your assistance in the garden if I did not believe you could help,” Cochise says. 

            “You did go pretty postal on Dad when he stepped on your tomatoes,” Ben says.

            Cochise has never been a mail carrier, particularly not in response to Tom destroying his tomatoes, but he cannot allow himself to become entrenched in a conversation about human idioms. 

            “I am going to water the plants,” Cochise says, “and I would appreciate your assistance.” 

            “Okay,” Ben says, pulling himself to his feet. 

            Cochise leads him to the pump, where he has left two buckets behind.  He pumps water to fill his bucket and watches as Ben does the same.

            “I have been experimenting with how much water to give to each plant,” Cochise explains.  “I quickly learned that you cannot give them too much, but, as your father discovered for me when I left the garden in his care when I went to the neighboring settlement for a few days, you cannot give them too little water.”

            Cochise notices the slightest hitch in Ben’s breathing when he mentions his father.  He is used to Ben’s quieter nature (at least compared to the rest of his family; compared to the Volm, Ben is loudly rambunctious) but there has been something deeper in the past few days.  Cochise decides that he should attempt to keep up the conversation.

            “When it became clear that your species would retake the Earth, I was more terrified than I had ever been,” Cochise begins as they start to water the plants.  It will take several trips back and forth to the pump, he knows.  “I had decided long before that I would remain on Earth, where I would no longer be able to fight.  This was terrifying.”

            “Why was that scary?” Ben asks.  Engagement.  That is good, Cochise is fairly certain.

            “I have training only as a warrior.  I had never anticipated that I would live under peace.  The war against the Espheni continues, after all, and when I arrived on this planet, I believed my war would continue as well, as it had always done when fighting the Espheni,” Cochise says.  “Your father changed that.  What he did not do, however, is give me a clear course of action about what I would do.  Of course, I would become part of your family as best as I was able, but I am not a human and I have never been trained to be a parent.  I had lost my purpose.  It had been a dangerous, painful, sorrowful purpose, but it had been mine.”

            “But you’re, like, our dad.  Not like Dad.  But like a step-dad.  Volm Dad,” Ben says.  “And you’re, like, the smartest person on the planet.  Volm technology is leaps beyond ours.  I’m sure there are lots of things you could do with that.”

            Cochise looks up, considers Ben.  “Many of those things would take me far away from your family, in which case I might as well have stayed with my people.  And I am not trained to be a parent, especially not a parent to human offspring.  I do my best to take my cues from your father.  It was not sufficient purpose.” He turns back to his garden.  “And so I decided that I would be responsible for feeding our family.  It was important and something I could do while remaining with you.”

            “Why are you telling me this?” Ben asks quietly.

            “Because when you were yelling at your father last night, you expressed a feeling of uselessness.  It was something I could empathize with.  And, yes, it was your father who asked me to invite you to garden, but I only agreed to it because I believed it would be beneficial to you,” Cochise says.  “While I am certain your family would say that you do not need to have a purpose, that they love you and that is enough, I understand the desire for something else.”

            “I used to be fast and strong,” Ben says.  “I was going to use that.  I helped fix our house and the school Dad wanted; I was gonna help Maggie with hers and everyone else left around here.  I had plans, Cochise.  Now it’s just so hard to connect to anything.”

            “You are welcome in my garden,” Cochise says.  “I enjoy your company.”

            “Thanks, Cochise,” Ben says.  “I don’t know if I could do this forever, but, uh, it’s good for now.”

            Cochise notices that Ben sways a little on his feet and he reaches out to steady him.  “Are you alright?”

            “I get tired real easily,” Ben says.

            “Perhaps you should rest,” Cochise suggests.  “The garden will always be here.”

            “That’s a good idea,” Ben says, going to sit on the steps.   

            Ben rests for a while, then gets back up to help him weed, then rests again, and so on.  When Cochise is done for the day, he goes inside, where he finds Matt peering out the window.

            “Matt?” Cochise asks, curious.

            Matt turns and beams at him, coming over to wrap his arms around him tightly.  This is an action that, when he first joined the Mason family, startled Cochise immensely.  Since then, he has grown used to it and knows the proper response is to return the hug.

            “Are you alright, Matt?” Cochise asks.

            “It’s really good to see Ben doing stuff again,” Matt explains. 

            “Your brother will persevere, of that, I am certain,” Cochise says. 

            “Is it okay if I hug you for a little while longer?”  Matt asks, his voice small.

            “Of course,” Cochise says.

            “Thanks,” Matt says softly, nuzzling against his chest.

Cochise does not know if Ben truly is planning on aiding him the garden for the time being, but he certainly hopes so.


	11. Homecoming (Pt. I)

            Ben starts working in the garden with Cochise pretty much every day.  Sometimes just a little, sometimes a lot, usually with plenty of breaks.  He wishes he could stop being so tired all the time, but he just can’t. 

            A few days in, he notices Dad watching them from the porch.  It takes him a second, but he realizes that it doesn’t bother him.  He’s still incapable of having a normal conversation with Dad, but he’s okay with watching.  That’s got to count as progress.

            Hal teases him about it when they’re all sitting around the dinner table, calling him ‘farmer Ben,’ but it’s a gentle, careful kind of teasing.  Ben smirks hard at him when Cochise tells him to go play his human sports on the other side of the house.

            Matt sits next to him on the porch steps when he gets tired, rubbing his back gently.  Ben keeps him updated on the progress of all of the plants, which always makes Matt groan because he doesn’t want to eat his vegetables.

            Maggie sits on her own porch some days and he gives her a neighborly wave when he sees her.  Like normal people.

            They pick their first round of peppers, Ben pulling the ripe vegetables from the plants carefully.  He drops each one in a basket, enjoying the thud thud thud as they hit the basket.  It’s the little things.

            “Can I take some over to Maggie?” Ben asks.  He wants some excuse to go talk to her; they haven’t actually talked since right after they took his spikes.  “I think she’d like some.”

            Cochise considers it for a minute and then nods.  “A few.”

            Ben grabs three big, plump peppers and walks across the street to Maggie’s house.  He knocks on the door, shifting uncomfortably while he waits.

            Maggie opens the door and looks surprised to see him standing there.

            “Hey,” Ben says.  He holds up the peppers.  “Some of our peppers came ripe today, so I thought I’d bring a few by.”

            Maggie takes them, smiling uncertainly.  “Thanks, Ben.  I appreciate it.  Uh- how are you doing?”

            Ben shrugs a little.  “I’m just, you know, trying to make it work.  It’s hard, but I don’t want to be unable to look most of my family in the eye for the rest of my life.”  Especially since he has such a longer life now than what he had anticipated.  He snorts a little.  “Of course, I still can’t really hold a proper conversation with Hal or Dad, but it’s a work in progress.”

            “It’s good to see you out, gardening with Cochise,” Maggie says.  “I was worried that you weren’t going to leave your bed, at first.”

            “Well, I really didn’t want to, but I couldn’t keep Matt trapped up there with me,” Ben says.  “He deserves more than that, and I knew he wouldn’t leave me.”

            “You deserve more than that, too,” Maggie says, squeezing his shoulder briefly. 

            “Thanks,” Ben says, a little uncomfortable.  “I should get back to helping Cochise.  Gotta help him carry the water buckets.”

            “It’s good to see you,” Maggie says.  “And thanks for the peppers, tell Cochise, too.”

            “I will,” Ben says, waving as he starts off the porch.  “Bye, Maggie.”

            “Bye, Ben.”

            Ben walks down the stairs of the porch and starts walking back to the garden.  He’s almost back there when he notices someone standing at the edge of the garden, talking to Cochise. 

            But… it can’t be?  Isn’t she…?

            Ben fiddles with his glasses and strains his ears as his heart starts to pound. 

            “…C’mon, Cochise, cough him up.  You’ve got to be keeping Benji somewhere.”

            “Hey!” Ben yells, trying to sound stern even as his face turns into a grin.  “Don’t call me that!”

            Deni turns to look at him and before Ben can think they’re running at each other.


	12. Homecoming (Pt. II)

            Ben, not being much of a runner and suddenly feeling a great surge of emotion, can’t keep up the running the whole way because of his stupid lungs.  The wheezing has started, triggered by the physical exertion and sudden emotional strain.  He stops, scrambles for his inhaler and takes a couple huffs.

            Once he can breathe again, he takes the last few steps between him and Deni, throwing his arms around her.  He pulls her tightly to him, heart still pounding. 

            “I thought you were dead,” Ben murmurs, eyes squeezed shut.  “I thought you were _dead_.”

            “It takes more than that to knock me out, Benji,” Deni replies.

            “Stop calling me that,” Ben huffs as they pull apart, even as he keeps one hand on her shoulder to make sure she’s really here, that this isn’t some grand hallucination.  Her hand sets on his shoulder, too.  “Where did you go, Deni?  I saw the explosion and I tried to find you, but you weren’t there.  I-I thought there was nothing left.” 

            Deni shrugs vaguely, like it’s no big deal.  “I’m here now, fit as a fiddle.”

            Ben catches on to her tone and doesn’t ask any more questions.  She doesn’t want to talk about it, and that’s fine. 

            Her fingers brush against the nape of his neck and she looks at him in surprise, squinting.  “I didn’t think you’d get your spikes removed.”

            “I, uh, wasn’t going to.  But Dad and Hal… aggressively insisted.  With some kind of Volm knock out drug and the element of surprise,” Ben says. 

            “Oh,” Deni says, quiet for a second.  “How are you doing with that?”

            “Well, I screamed at my dad for the first time ever,” Ben says with a forced laughed.  “But I’ve also taken up gardening with Cochise.”

            “You?!” Deni asks, laughing at him.  “You’re a farmer now?”

            “Not _really_.”

            “I can’t believe you’re a farmer now.”

            “And what are you doing?” Ben asks, rolling his eyes at her.  “You’ve still got your spikes.”

            “I don’t, actually,” Deni says, moving his hand so it brushes over her neck.  Sure enough, slightly stubbly but non-spiky skin.  “Got them removed right away.”

            “You don’t have glasses, though,” Ben says, feeling slightly betrayed after all their talk about their glasses. 

            “Couldn’t find any that’d fit,” Deni says.  “So I’ve got a killer headache all the time, on top of everything else.” 

            “We should talk to my dad.  They had glasses for me when I woke up,” Ben says.  “I don’t know where they got them, but maybe they can get a pair for you.”

            “That’d be good,” Deni says. 

            “We should go inside,” Ben says, kind of reluctantly.  He wants to stay here with Deni all to himself for a while, but everyone else inside thinks that Deni is dead.  If anyone kept the knowledge that she’s alive from him for any longer than necessary, he’d be mad.  “Everyone wants to see you.”

            They walk into the house with their arms slung around each other’s shoulders.  It’s so good to have Deni here.

            “Guys!”  Ben yells.  “Come here!”

            “What is- Deni!” Matt says, running and hugging her tight.

            “Hey there, Matt,” Deni says, letting Ben go to hug Matt back.

            Dad comes running down the stairs next.  “Are you okay, Ben?”

            Ben swallows hard and nods his head at Deni, small smile on his face as Dad looks at Deni and beams. 

            “Deni!  I can’t believe you’re here,” Dad says, reaching out to clasp her hand.  “It’s so good to see you.  Hal’s just around back; I’m sure he’ll be in in a second.”

            “Hey, Professor.  It’s good to see you, too.  Glad to see everyone’s alive and well,” Deni says.

            “Yeah…” Dad says, working so hard _not_ to look at Ben that it probably would have been more discreet to just stare at him.

            Ben clears his throat awkwardly.  “Hey, Dad.  Where’d you get my glasses?  Because Deni needs a pair, too.”

            “If you can,” Deni adds quickly.  “If not, that’s cool, too.”

            “There’s a woman in the city proper who makes them.  They’re not as good as glasses from before the invasion, but they’re better than nothing,” Dad says.

            “I don’t, uh, have anything to give them,” Deni says.  “To trade for my glasses.”

            “I’m sure Cochise will be willing to give up some of his fresh veggies,” Dad says.  “Or we can scavenge something from around here.”

            “Thanks, Professor,” Deni says.

            Ben looks over at her and grins.  She’s really, actually here.

            “Deni!” Hal’s voice booms from the kitchen as he runs into the living room.  “Aren’t you dead?”

            Deni laughs.  “You caught me.  I’m actually here, as a ghost.  To teach you some lesson or something.”

            “I just meant,” Hal shakes his head.  “It’s good to see you.  Never thought the day would come.”

            “You too,” Deni says, pulling him into a hug. 

            “We’ve got to go back to talk to Julia,” Dad tells Hal once they’ve pulled apart.  “Deni needs some glasses.”

            Hal flashes her a quick look.  “Cool, I’ll go tomorrow.”

            “Thanks, Hal,” Deni says.

            There’s a slightly awkward silence.

            “So, uh, how long are you staying in town?” Hal asks.

            “I’m not sure yet,” Deni says.  “I’ve been kind of wandering for the last few months- trying to find out where Ben was so I could let him know I’m okay, mostly.” 

            “You can stay here for as long as you want,” Ben chimes in.  “We’ve got plenty to share.”

            It’s happened a couple times- members of the 2nd Mass coming through and needing a place to stay.  Anthony, Weaver, just to name a few.

            “Are you sure?” Deni asks. 

            “Of course,” Dad says. 

            “We’ve got a guest room and everything!” Matt says. 

            “Lots of visitors?” Deni asks.

            Matt nods enthusiastically.  “Yeah!  It’s pretty neat.  We get to meet a bunch of new people.”

            “Awesome,” Deni says.

            “Do you want me to show you?” Matt asks, grabbing her hand and pulling her along before she can reply.  He’s really taken to being the welcome wagon.

            Ben goes to follow them, but Hal slides in his way.

            “You okay?” Hal asks.

            “What do you mean?  Deni is _here_!  She’s alive and here.”  Ben exclaims.  “I’m better than I have been since you took my spikes.  Heck, probably since before that, too.”

            “What happened to her?” Dad asks, voice full of concern.  “I thought you said she was dead.”

            “She doesn’t want to talk about it, so I haven’t pressed her.  She just got here, after all,” Ben says.  “It’s just so good she’s here.”

            “It is good.  And, yeah, she’s welcome to stay for as long as she wants- make sure you let her know we have running water.” Dad tries to pat his arm, but Ben steps away, glaring at him not to push it.

            “I’m sure Matt’s already taken care of it,” Ben says stiffly. 

            Cochise comes inside. 

            “Should I assume that we will have another guest for dinner?” Cochise asks. 

            “For a while, hopefully!” Ben says, turning and beaming.  “Deni’s staying with us.”

            “That is excellent news.  Your bond with Deni was noticeable, and your sorrow at her loss was immense,” Cochise says.

            Ben tries not to stutter at that.  Luckily, once Cochise has said all he needs to say, he goes about his work, heedless of whether someone is trying to form a coherent reply or not.  And he likes to have dinner ready on time.

            He hears the shower going.  Good, there’s nothing like a shower after a long, presumably unpleasant, march. 

            “Her clothes were super dirty,” Matt says, popping back in the room, “so I gave her some of yours, Ben.  That okay?”

            Ben tries not to gulp and nods instead.  “Yeah, anything she needs!”

            That night, they have their first family dinner since Ben had his spikes taken from him.


	13. In the Pale Moonlight

            It’s a chaotic evening with their new guest, and Ben doesn’t get any time alone to talk to Deni before everyone goes to bed.  Even though he’s tired, he can’t fall asleep for once.  He’s too keyed up, just knowing that Deni is alive and well and just downstairs.

            His door opens slowly.  “You awake?”

            “Yeah.  Come in?” Ben asks.

            The door shuts most of the way and there’s a dip in the bed as Deni lays next to him.  They lay in silence for a while.  Her warmth starts seeping over to him.

            “This sucks,” Deni says.  “Better than being dead, but it still sucks.”

            Ben grabs his glasses and hands them over to Deni.  “Here, take my glasses for a few days.” 

            Deni takes them and puts them on.  She turns to look at him.  “You are really blind, Benji.”

            “Make sure to tell Dad or Hal your prescription before they leave tomorrow, then.  Don’t want the wrong prescription,” Ben says.

            “I never really expected that I’d need them again,” Deni says.  “I didn’t think the war would ever end.  That we’d be needed forever.”

            “Me neither,” Ben says and then grabs his inhaler, shaking it a little.  “Or one of these.”

            “Aaah, that’s what you why stopped running,” Deni says.  “I could only kind of tell what was happening.”

            “Yeah, I figured having a full blown asthma attack would be a bad way to welcome you,” Ben says. 

            “I dunno, Benji,” Deni says, and Ben can’t see her face but he can feel the smirk she’s throwing him.  “Literally taking your breath away?  That’s one hell of a way to greet someone.  Way to let me know you missed me.”

            Ben rolls his eyes.  “Running and hugging isn’t enough for you?”

            “Nope,” Deni says, “I’ve got to know that I still take your breath away.  Even without the spikes.”

            “I told you that I’d still like you with glasses, way back when,” Ben says.

            “Liar,” Deni retorts.  “You can’t even see me!  It’s dark and you don’t have your glasses on.  I’m probably just a big blur.”

            That hadn’t been what he had meant and Ben knows she knows it.  But, the assurance that he’d still like her even if she couldn’t fight as effectively has been rendered kind of moot by the fact that there’s no one to fight anymore. 

Ben scoots a little closer, tugs her a little closer so her face is bathed in the moonlight coming in the window.  He squints his eyes so he can see her kind of alright.  She’s still mostly blurry, but it’s her.

            “Yeah, still like you, even with the glasses,” Ben says.

            “You too,” Deni says quietly.  “D’you think this is going to get any easier?”

            “Probably once we have a pair of glasses each,” Ben says.  “That’ll probably make things easier, right?”

            “It’s all gonna seem blurry anyway, isn’t it?”  Deni says.

            “Yeah, no more counting all the bugs on the trees,” Ben says.  “20/20 vision is nothing compared to seeing freak-o-vision.”

            “I kind of like not having the super hearing, though,” Deni says.  “Overhearing everyone’s gossip was a pain.  Especially when people started asking me about it.”

            Ben laughs.  “Yeah, I’m two doors down from Dad and Cochise.  And they’ve really taken to domestic life together.  It’s nice not overhearing their ‘domesticity’ all the time.”

            “Oh, eww,” Deni says.  “I mean, good for your dad, but eww for you.”

            “Always knock when their door is closed.  If you don’t get an answer, knock harder,” Ben advises. 

            “Noted.”

            They lay there in silence for a while. 

            “I’m really glad you’re here,” Ben finally says. 

            “You keep saying that,” Deni says.  “I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone so glad to see me in my life.”

            “It’s true.  Not just because I thought you were dead.  It’s been so awkward since they took my spikes,” Ben explains.  “Like they think they did me this huge favor.  I get it- they wanted me alive- but sometimes…”

            “It doesn’t feel like living,” Deni says softly.  “Not like living used to be.”

            Ben reaches over and finds her hand, interlacing their fingers.  She squeezes his hand. 

            “They think that it feels like normal,” Ben says.  “Like they didn’t really take anything because they just put me back to normal.”

            “But they don’t realize that normal is different, now,” Deni finishes.  “I got mine taken out by my own choice, but I hadn’t realized how different everything would be.”

            “Do you regret it?” Ben asks.  “Getting them out?”

            Deni shakes her head.  “I can work this out.  I can figure out how to make this work.  No one can figure how to make dead work.  You’re just dead.”

            He rubs his thumb over her knuckles, thinking. 

            “ _We_ can figure it out,” Ben says.  “We’ve always made a pretty good team, haven’t we?”

            “Yeah, we have.  Running the resistance all by myself probably would have been harder without you,” Deni says, teasing.

            “Hey!” Ben argues.  “We both ran it, together.”

            “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Benji,” Deni says, squeezing his hand. 

            Ben huffs.

            “Uh, speaking of sleep,” Deni says.  “Do I have to sleep in the guest room?  I mean, it’s nice and all, but I’ve been alone for a while. And I had gotten used to always having people around, when we started the resistance.  Hell, I was always around people before the invasion, too.  And…”

            “…And you’re alone down there?” Ben finishes when she trails off.

            “Yeah,” Deni says.  “It’s just me down there.”

            “You can stay here if you want,” Ben says.  “Whenever you want.”

            Ben squints just in time to see her smile at him. 

            “Thanks,” Deni says.  She hands him back his glasses and he sets them on the bedside table.  “Goodnight, Benji.”

            “Goodnight, Deni.”


	14. Here’s to Future Days

            Matt goes to wake Deni up for breakfast- Ben never gets breakfast, but Deni might want it- but she’s not in her room.  He frowns, double checks just in case he somehow missed something, but her bed doesn’t even look slept in. 

            He goes back out to the kitchen, where Cochise is making breakfast.  “Have you seen Deni?”

            “She is in your brother’s room,” Cochise says.

            “Really?” Matt says.

            “The door was open when I walked by and I noticed her presence,” Cochise says.

            “Weird,” Matt says, running upstairs.

            Ben and Deni are both asleep on Ben’s bed.  Deni is snoring lightly and her hand is pressed into Ben’s.  Matt creeps up and pokes her other arm.

            “Psssst, Deni,” Matt whispers.  “Wake up.”

            Deni stirs and opens her eyes slowly.  “Hey, Matty.”

            “You want breakfast?” Matt whispers.  “Cochise is making bacon and eggs, I think.”

            “Yum, sounds good,” Deni says.  She starts pulling on Ben’s arm.  “Hey, Benji.”

            “No!” Matt whisper-yells. 

            Deni frowns.  “What’s wrong?” 

            “Ben’s asleep.  Don’t wake him up,” Matt says. 

            “Why not?” 

            Matt shrugs.  “He sleeps a lot.  He gets real cranky.”

            Deni shakes her head.  “Yeah, he can deal with it.  Plus: bacon and eggs.”

            Matt shrugs.  “Your funeral.”  He goes back downstairs because he doesn’t want responsibility for this. 

            “Did you locate Deni?” Cochise asks.

            “Yeah,” Matt says, “and now she’s going to wake up Ben for breakfast.”

            “Perhaps we will have the whole family for breakfast,” Cochise says.

            “Or maybe Ben will bite her head off and she’ll leave,” Matt says.  Which would be super bad, because she’s pretty much the only thing that Ben likes, other than gardening.

            “Your brother does not have the ability to open his jaw wide enough.  I have also noticed that your species is very much opposed to cannibalism,” Cochise says and then he tastes the bacon.  “Needs to cook a little more.” He murmurs to himself.

            Matt cocks his head and thinks about it, considering the fact that, apparently, opposition to cannibalism is not a norm.  Or at least cannibalism is common enough in the galaxy that it’s noteworthy that humans aren’t into it. 

While he’s trying to decide how to ask Cochise about alien cannibalism, Dad comes by and ruffles his hair before kissing Cochise good morning. 

“Good morning, Tom,” Cochise says.  “You should be aware that both Deni and Ben will be joining us for breakfast.”

“Maybe!” Matt says as Dad starts to pale.  “Deni is trying to wake him up, but you know how he hates mornings.”  Or being awake.

            There are slow, careful footsteps on the stairs. 

            “Last one, last one,” Deni’s voice carries into the kitchen.

            Ben and Deni stumble into the kitchen, arm in arm.  Deni is wearing Ben’s glasses and she leads him into the room.

            “Why is Deni wearing your glasses?” Cochise asks.  “Has your vision improved?”

            “No, but she needs them, too,” Ben says, shrugging.  “And I figured she hasn’t had glasses in forever.” 

            “That’s nice of you,” Dad pipes in, voice hesitant. 

            “Thanks,” Ben says and the temperature in the room seems to drop ten degrees. 

            “Ben said I should make sure to give you my prescription!  Because, man, I can barely see out of his pair.  They’re definitely better than nothing, though!” Deni plows through, seemingly heedless of the tension.  “I’ll write it down and give it to you after breakfast.”

            “Sounds good,” Dad says.  “We’ll leave for the city later today.”

            “Awesome!  Thanks so much, Professor,” Deni says.

            Dad is about to say something else, but Cochise chimes in.  “The food is ready.  We should eat it while it is still warm.”

            “He’s particular about his cooking,” Ben murmurs in Deni’s ear.

            “Well dinner last night was good, so I’m sure that it’s worth it,” Deni says back.

            “I enjoy human cuisine,” Cochise says. 

            They all go to the dining room, where Hal is setting up the places.

            “What are you doing down here?” Hal asks.

            “Breakfast,” Ben says stiffly.

            “Good,” Hal says as he sets two more places at the table.

            Matt catches the look that Deni gives Ben, even though he’s pretty sure that Ben doesn’t.  It’s not a happy look. 

Like always, their meals are quiet, with only the occasionally stilted exchange.  It’s got to be progress, though.  After all, they’re together, right?  All Matt has wanted is for them to be together. 

            After breakfast, Ben helps gather up the silverware.  Deni helps by picking up the pieces that he leaves behind.  Hal is taking his time taking the leftovers into the kitchen for Cochise to wrap up to save for later.

            Matt takes a second- there’s no fighting or arguing, just the clink of silverware against each other.  Dad is sitting on the other side of the table, and Matt realizes that he looks like he’s about to cry. 

            Their eyes meet and Matt smiles at his dad encouragingly.  This is good.  This is what they’ve wanted for years.  Dad can’t seem to return his smile though, which fills Matt with a weird sense of foreboding.


End file.
